Wow, it has been a long time

So what do you say when you take time off and then come back to say something profound!? Probably not, just a word or two about how great God is. He is great right? I mean, this is not some trick to keep the masses stupid while the rich and the famous run around ruling the world? He is real, right?

Sometimes, when those thoughts cross my mind and I think just how could God let all of this junk go on, I have to think about how things are put together here. The world is covered in water. This layer of stuff holds all of this spinning mass together. The universe is so large that we will never see the other side in our life time. And God put it all together. Just look at a picture from the hubble telescope and see just how far away things are. God sees it all at the same time. He is seeing everything all at once. Not just our world, but billions of other worlds. When you get overwhelmed with your problems, think of this: God keeps everything spinning and moving perfectly so that His plan for us will work. If He can do that for the whole universe, there is nothing we need to worry about!

love yunz

mccoy

Would you die for them?

So I have been rather busy the last few weeks, with the HS band taking up a lot of time and playing for CF2, Duke Ladd and also ministering with David at RockChurch, it doesn’t leave a lot of time. But people keep calling and I really like helping out. But that is not why I am writing. I am writing because of my time on Sunday at a Nursing home in Pender County. Duke Ladd called and asked me to play drums at a nursing home with he and Jack Pandell. Now if you know of these two guys, they are awesome musicians and it was a definite honor to be asked to play with them. It was a lot of fun as well because there were no charts. Just called the songs and away we went. Jack Pandell is 72 years old and is still a phenomenal trombone player. And Duke is like the most incredible jazz pianist I have ever seen or played with. Jack would call a song and Duke would play it, in whatever key. He was also transposing because the piano at the nursing home was a half step flat. Wow.
But as I looked around the nursing home and their Christmas dinner, it took me back to 12 years ago when my grandmother was still alive and in a nursing home. And I remember going there and playing piano for hours on end while trying to bring a little joy to my grandmother and the other residents. As I stared at a few of them before we got to playing I started thinking, “God wouldn’t it be cool if you would let me go over there and lay my hands on all of them and they could get well and go home. ” I was just getting really excited about seeing them empty the place. The smell of nursing home never goes away. There was a man cleaning as I came in, but that smell was still there and it was predominant. But here I am still praying and hoping God would just do it. Heal them. Get them out. And then as if to let me know who was in charge that still small voice said, “would you die for them?”
Wow! I was stunned. And what hurt even more was I could not say yes or no. I mean we always hope we can say yes, but I could not say yes. Not for people I did not know. I mean for my wife and my girls, Yes. For my sister and her family and my mom, Yes. Maybe even a hand full of others, Yes. But for people I do not know. I became very sad. I hurt inside because I felt I had let them down.
Later on the way home as I was praying about it God said,” you don’t have to, I already did! Just tell everyone about me and what I did.” Now this is not some great blog about being a great Christian. But it does say what this season and every other season is about: Go tell it on the mountain. The great commission, Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all men. It is time to quit trying to drag the world to Church. It is truly time to show them the love of Christ and the true love of the God who sent him. We don’t need to save the world, we need to love the world. Our churches would be full if we would do that. The time is here for the world to see the true love. Sharing your food with people who don’t have any. Loving those that don’t have any one to love. Not drag them to church so your church is bigger than their church, or your offering is bigger than theirs. One day someone is going to put a big tent up and we will lose all of these spoiling amenities that we have built into our “temples” and just reach out to the lost and dying world. Do we need another microphone when someone is going hungry? Do we need another pulpit, or new carpet or another Christmas tree because we have had the other one for years. If we are going to get real, then it has to start with us and really start to deal with people on a person to person basis.

Soap box now put away.
love yunz,
Tim

so what is up, God?

Have you ever wanted to ask that question?  Sometimes I think we all do, but man I have been just asking it a lot lately. Why did this happen, What is up with that person, Why me Lord, It’s not me; When is this all going to go away?  Did I get them all?  Most of the time I want God to just give me all the answers so I don’t have to wait.  I enjoy a good mystery but not in my life.  I always want to know the answers before the questions are asked.  Maybe that is why I am a trivia buff. Maybe that is why I jump in to things 100 percent all the time.  I don’t know any way else to go.

So what I am getting to: I don’t know if I know. Hee hee, you thought I was going to give you the day of the rapture and the end of the world. Bible says no one knows except God so you are out of luck there. I am not even sure what He is doing in this country.  You see scripture being fulfilled right before our eyes, wars and rumors of wars; earthquakes, famines, world markets falling, people turning from God and to God at remarkable rates, the Gospel being preached all over the world, and the very elect being deceived.  People believing only part of the Bible because the other part offends them.  It is okay to do something now because everyone is doing it.  I ask where the decency of the church went to. When did Christ say it was okay to do some of the things we allow people to do and still preach in our churches.  If it is an abomination before God at one time, and it has not changed in His Word since, why is it still not an abomination now? We are to be a peculiar people.  A people set apart yet except for going to Church on Sunday we are still the same.  We still profane God’s name, we don’t help the sick, we don’t help the poor and we just live in our little boxes and do what every one else is doing.  I know you’re thinking he is going to start preaching puritanism and to a degree that is probably true.  We are called not to be a stumbling block.  Paul said he would not eat meat again if it caused his neighbor to stumble.  How can we go about doing what everyone else is doing and hope to win souls for Christ.  Jesus was weird to the world.  He did it all different.  He set the standard not followed the standard. He ate with the worst that the world had to offer.  He taught against the very Holier than thou attitudes that pervade our hearts.  He knew it was about a lifestyle from the heart not the head.  He also taught not to get so enamored with the things of this life that we are the church of what’s happening now.  We get so caught up in what is working over here at that church that our churches have lost their own vision.  We all begin to do the same things.  Hey it worked for them, it will work for us. Yet if that is not what God told you to do, it really will not work.  Each congregation has someone to reach.  They have something different to offer and if they are all the same, then someone is going to fall through the cracks. Or lot’s of someones as the case is right now.  Pastor Bryan found a stat that said 100,000 people in Wilmington are not saved.  We probably have close to 800 churches in Wilmington.  SOMEBODY should be reaching someone!!!!

It is so easy for us to be deceived and yet we constantly open ourselves up to it.  I will watch that show and it is okay because it just a few swear words.  It is just a little nudity.  It was just one drink and nobody was watching, besides Jesus drank wine. Marajuana is natural it should be okay.  (so was the tree in the garden but we weren’t supposed to go for it) It is a great story except for the rape of that young lady. C’mon now.  My grandfather always said if you have to clarify with a but or except, that you might just want to rethink your position.  Most importantly though, God’s word says we are to be Holy like He is Holy.  To be God like is more than going to Church, more than speaking in tongues or knowing all the songs by heart. It is helping your neighbor even if they don’t ask.  It is spending time with your children or somebody else’s children if they won’t.  We are to love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength AND love our neighbor as ourselves.  That means leading a life that is pure and holy, not being a stumbling block, not causing confusion.  Confusion is the only thing the devil has ever “created.” We need to not do things to confuse people.  They are getting it enough.  Let’s be real. Bible real, not man real.

I wrote a song a few years back called Everything You do (and no Bryan Adams did not steal it)  God had laid this on me big time about watching sports all the time and ignoring His word. The gist of the song is that if Christ is in you, then everything you do, you MAKE Him do.  If you watch the movie, He watches the movie; If you drink, He drinks; If you swear, He swears;  If you read it, He reads it; if you touch it, He touches it; etc. I think you get the idea.  I about threw up when I thought of how many times without thinking that I said or did something that would not have made Christ happy. It all reminds me of the story of the card catalogue and all of our moments of life were categorized in the large drawers.  Christ sees the good things, giving rides, serving food at the food shelter, singing in Church.  Then He goes to the bad and sees the lies, the jealousies, the drinking, and all the rest.  Then He takes a pen and writes in His own blood, forgiven, on each sin.

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want Him to have to do that.  I prayed for forgiveness so hard one time that I apologized to Jesus for Him having to die for me. And then I thanked Him because I am so glad He did. But I would much rather on the day of judgement that He look at me and say, ” Enter in thou good and faithful servant, WELL DONE!”  This is what has kept me sober for 17 years now.  Kept me walking the straight and narrow and kept me lifting up my head.  My redeemer lives and I want to walk with Him. Do I always do it right? Those of you that know me are yelling out, NO. Thanks because you are right.  But I do try hard not to be the stumbling block to those around me and to love them and give of myself as I would ask them to give to me. You just never know the impact on their lives that you might have, good and bad.  That is how I teach and that is how I live.

So I guess nothing earth shattering, just the ramblings of me.

Love yunz,

Tim

Happy Birthday– and the rest of the story

So, today is the big day.  I am the father of a teenager.  Happy Birthday Jacob. I hope you have a big cake and lots of presents.

So where do you go from the death of your firstborn son.  They funneled us off in to a little room beside the NICU while they prepared him.  We were going to get to hold him and take pictures and just get a chance to say goodbye. Our parents were there, and some other family members.  I remember thinking, God what good is going to come from this?  I also remember asking God to help me be strong for my family and friends and my students at the school who were waiting so patiently for their “baby.”  While we were waiting, my spiritual father, Pastor Chuck Webb and his wife came in.  Chuck was a rather big guy and he sobbed so hard when he found out.  He grieved so hard. God gave Mary and I the words to say to help him.  it was incredible. It was hard.  My not yet but soon to be brother in law Paul was not a Christian at this time,  He just did not believe in anything yea or nay.  He had never held a baby before this either, but he held Jacob after he died.  He was so tiny.  But God allowed Mary and I to continue to minister to the people around us.  This continued.  We continued in his strength.  It was definitely not us.

This little baby touched so many people.  After he went back to Milwaukee, Paul told my sister he did not know what we had, but he wanted it.  He went to Church and he found God in a big way.  He is now completely sold out and definitely a true man of God. (Great job God and Jacob.)  The church we were going to became so much closer as they wrapped their arms around us and we ministered to them.  The outreaches that began became huge.  My family drew closer together.  The band at the school  became so much closer as they realized how quickly things can change.  Under Authority got serious.  Two weeks after Jacob, we were ministering in a thunder storm to any one who would listen. We had become serious about seeing people saved and when the group finally had finished its run, we had ministered in 10 states, had produced 2 cd projects, and seen thousands of people come to know Jesus as their Saviour.

As you can see, a lot of things in my life changed because of Jacob.  I guess I live like this could be my last five minutes.  I try to always be up and I try to push people to greater achievements.  Why sit back and let life happen when it might not.  You are not promised tomorrow so you might as well love the day and give it all you got.  You never know who you are going to affect with what you do.  Nobody wants to be like you if you are miserable and sad all the time.  We only get one shot at this, we need to give it all we got.

Jacob did for 4 days.  And because he did that, many people are saved and many people are still being saved.  You have a great effect on every person you meet. Don’t waste that shot.

Thanks for reading and learning more about my boy. I can’t wait to meet him again and I can’t wait for you to meet him.  We are going to throw down a party and a half.  Completely clean of course.  We will be partying with the King of Kings and are we ever going to have a blast.

love yunz,

Tim

Friday

Can it be so simple?  A tear in the liver! Wow, they can fix that can’t they? The doctor says that Jacob’s liver had a tear in it and that is why he was leaking blood.  They could not sew it together because the stitches would cause a hole bigger than what was there.  They decided to use surgical tape that would eventually disappear and hopefully that would hold it together. We have taped the baby’s liver together and it seems to be holding.  Awesome. Go God! Something so simple as tape.  We should use that on everything. Jacob comes out of surgery looking like a mummy from the sternum to his waist.  He is still on the ventilator and there are still thousands of tubes everywhere, but he is steady and there are signs of a peaceful restful time for him.  Still a long way to go, but the signs are there.

After a long day at the hospital on Friday of just watching him sleep, and lots of prayer in the chapel, we finally make our way to the Ronald McDonald House.  Just trying to rest and get Mary some rest.  The journey has been long, but it is still a long way from over.  Say our prayers, pray for Jacob’s healing, and go to sleep.  Wake up and call the NICU, peaceful night and he did okay.  Decide to take a shower.  Phone rings, NICU, get here things have gone south. Rushing to hospital.  As we walk in we see that he has coded and they are reviving him.  He is so tiny that heart compressions are done with one index finger.  He is struggling and he is suffering.  They give him a shot to make his heart beat again.  He responds, but not for long. He is not going to make it!! The doctor says he is shutting down.  They can keep reviving him but it is not going to help.  He is dying. NOOOOOOOOOO! We are supposed to play ball, we are going to play with his puppy Laddie that Aunt Robin got him!  He is going to be a drummer because that’s what Daddy does. He is going home to be healed! He is going back to the Father, mission accomplished. No God! He is mine.  We have waited for him.  He is our little boy.  RAGE, ANGER.  God you are not fair. This sucks.  This is horrible.  This is for people who don’t listen to you, who don’t care.  Why do you take care of the slut’s children who has ten kids and doesn’t care about them and you are taking ours?  Why why Why?

“Would you like for us to continue to revive him?” Yes, No, Maybe, I don’t know.  Finally no.  He is so little and so bruised and he is not going to make it.  They cannot do surgery again.  There is just nothing to be done.  Jacob is going home after just a few days on earth.  This is awful. This is the hardest thing to ever have to say, or to face. Just let him die.  Are you kidding?  C’mon God.  Your turn.  Fix this.

“Do you want to hold him?” the nurse asks. No, I say.  Yes, my 21 year old wife says.  You can’t hurt him the nurse says. Mary holds him, everyone kind of holds him and everyone is crying. I don’t want to hold him.  If I don’t hold him he won’t go away.  He will stay here with me. But his vital signs start to go. He is going home.  I have to hold that boy and kiss him and love him. I have waited for you and now you are leaving.  I love you so much. Why God?  Why my son?  Why not someone else’s child? the only answer is a very quiet, “Why not you?” And then he was gone. No more breaths, no more heartbeats, no more movement, no more son. Goodbye Jacob Tyler McCoy.  I love you! God this isn’t the way it is supposed to be.  My heart is totally broken into a billion pieces and the look on Mary’s face is one of utter shock and dismay.

Love yunz and I am done for now,

Tim

So, here we are

Mary in one room, baby in NICU.  What the heck is a NICU? Neo Natal intensive care unit.  Very intensive care. Very little sleep and you wash your hands, put on a new gown every visit and pray a lot.  Evening of the first day and the baby is struggling to breath.  Mary is in much pain and she is not allowed up to even see the boy.  He is turning gray and they keep giving him more blood. Tuesday becomes Wednesday.  I am selfish and very unlike Christ and don’t allow everyone to come into the room to see the boy.  I shut people down and should not have.  Stupid on purpose as they say.  Baby very sick, need to send to Charleston.  Bigger hospital, more specialized.  Thursday morning, he goes flying in helicopter, I go flying with my mom driving.  Mary stays behind, they won’t let her come.  I have to make decisions by myself.  We beat the helicopter.  How do you beat a helicopter?  Where is he?  Get him here! Help is here!

“There he is!” my mom cries out! He looks awful.  I can still see his little body strapped to a bed, arms straight out with tape around them on a little board to keep the needles in his wrists.  Mask taped to his head keeping oxygen in his face.  Legs crossed at the ankle.  And the BLOOD!  Everywhere there is a hole, this baby is bleeding.  Nose, ears, eyes, mouth, butt . . . .  He is swollen, badly bruised. 15 people around him and his eyes wide open with the most horrified look I have ever seen.  I want to scream and reach down and hold him, but I can’t.  Then a nurse jabs him in his side with a needle and blood pours out of him.  God NOOOOOOOO!  He is just a baby.  He is my son.  Why?!  My mom is crying, the nurse who brought him from Beckley is crying.  I am being strong, but inside I am just dying.  Screaming would only make it feel better for a second.  I have to be strong, I have to make decisions, I have to get my boy taken care of. 

At that moment I got saved for real.  I saw what God saw 2000 years before. I saw my boy at the CROSS roads of his life.  I would have done anything at the moment to save him.  I would have killed you or a hundred others, given my own life, worked a thousand jobs or whatever it took.  My boy was dying before my eyes and I could do nothing.  I was helpless. And all the while Christ stayed in front of me.  I saw that cross and I understood finally after years and years of wondering why He did not heal Himself and get off that cross.  Because He and His Dad cooked up this scheme that would save us all; His own death.  His sacrifice for all of us.  I knew then my life was totally going to be different.

As I looked at that little body and waited for him to make a sound, he never did.  The tubes prevented any kind of sound.  I never heard him cry.  But I did see the most amazing thing.  Simple as it was, as I cried, Jacob shed a tear as not only had he saved his mom’s life physically, but he just made his Dad’s life have true meaning.  2 Days old and already seeing people saved.  What a boy?  What a God?  What a Saviour?  I am learning so much the hard way.

Exploratory Surgery comes.  Find the Chapel and read the writings of others who have come and gone.  Write about Jacob.  Mary comes, still very fragile, baby fragile, and the waiting begins!

Need a break. 

Love yunz

Tim

Get up, we have to go to the doctor!

Many a man has heard that cry in the middle of the night with a pregnant wife, but no one wants to hear it at 2:30 am and your wife is only 26 weeks along.  It is too early, maybe a false alarm, what is up, get in the car, drive 4 miles like a maniac, get to the hospital, check in, get a bed and then the fun begins. Not any fun now mind you. This child was coming. No waiting. Mary is tilted upside down as they hoped to use gravity to keep the little one in. Steroid shots for the lungs.  Then the contractions, hard and painful.  One dose of medicine to stop the contractions. We need three days to help the lungs. More contractions. That’s not supposed to happen. Ready for power shot to stop contractions, but it could cause problems for Mary, even death.  Just as they are ready to put the needle into the IV and stop those contractions a big push comes from the inside and the water breaks. Did the baby just save his own mother’s life. Did he just give his life for hers?  All heck breaks loose as baby is on its way. Kiss wife goodbye, crying, all hope just about blown up. Will either of them come out of that room alive? Whisked away by a green and blue army of masked helpers. Standing beside an empty spot sobbing.  It is not supposed to be this way. Why God? Don’t take my wife! Don’t take my firstborn! What are you doing?  The baby is going to be so small. I don’t get it! Why are you letting this happen?

Minutes/hours/days/seconds later (it is all such a blur), 2 nurses rush by with a real tiny bundle with a big bag on its face and some very small fingers and toes sticking out of a blanket.  It’s a boy! (And all a long I thought you would be a girl)  Wow, I have a boy!  Jacob Tyler, the only two boy names we liked and we used them all at once! How was Mary?  Doing fine, Baby struggling but alive.  Prepare for many months of stuff, if we get that far.  Okay God what is up?  He is so tiny and you have never seen so many tubes, wires and gadgets in your entire life.  One arm is roughly the length of my index finger.  He is so bruised.  Poor baby.  I am so sorry.  God what did I do?  He doesn’t deserve this!  He is just a baby!  Heal him!  You promised! Heal him. I don’t understand! Thus began a 4 day journey and that is about all for today!

Love yunz,

Tim

So, it has been awhile, but . . .

I thought I would wait until there was something to blog about before posting.  So on the way home from Tamara’s check up today I started thinking about my children.  Most of you know Rachel and Tamara but many do not know Jacob.  Jacob is our heavenly child.  He was born in September of 1995, and what got me thinking was the fact that my boy is going to be a teenager this September.  Granted, I won’t see him do it, but it really got me thinking about what that would have held for me.  Am I old enough to be the father of a teenager?  Now most of you are laughing about now, but seriously the boy will be 13! And then I get to thinking about what I have done with my life (this is the part where you think of mid life crisis.) Although I plan on living until I am a 137 ( so I am no where near mid life) so I can see the next century.  Have I always done what God has wanted me to do?  Have I been all out, all the time or do I take breaks? Am I easily frustrated with people who twiddle their thumbs with progress and say it ain’t time yet when they know it is time and they just don’t want to do it? And I wonder if I can live up to the standard that was set not only by our Saviour, but by a little boy who lived but four days on this earth and yet he changed a family, a church, a school an entire town and maybe even the lives of a lot of people that we will never meet til heaven.  And most of all, his life changed me.  From just a church goer with a belief in God, to a Jesus Freak who values the days given him.  Who loves people just because that is what Jesus does.  I love to help people.  I have a hard time telling people no because I just think that is rude.  I think if someone asks you, they probably have no where else to turn and so you should probably jump in and get it done.  I truly believe that is what God expects from us.  They will know we are Christians by our love!  Yes, I am a Christian, a Jesus Freak, Spirit-filled, God loving, somewhat musically talented, and an idiot (as Pastor B likes to say) who also loves to have a good time and just likes to be around people and have a good time.  And I owe all that to my 13 1/2 inch, 1 pound 15 ounce little boy named Jacob Tyler who will soon become a teenager. So in a few days, I will publish Jacob’s story for all the world to hear.

love yuns

Tim