So, today is the big day.  I am the father of a teenager.  Happy Birthday Jacob. I hope you have a big cake and lots of presents.

So where do you go from the death of your firstborn son.  They funneled us off in to a little room beside the NICU while they prepared him.  We were going to get to hold him and take pictures and just get a chance to say goodbye. Our parents were there, and some other family members.  I remember thinking, God what good is going to come from this?  I also remember asking God to help me be strong for my family and friends and my students at the school who were waiting so patiently for their “baby.”  While we were waiting, my spiritual father, Pastor Chuck Webb and his wife came in.  Chuck was a rather big guy and he sobbed so hard when he found out.  He grieved so hard. God gave Mary and I the words to say to help him.  it was incredible. It was hard.  My not yet but soon to be brother in law Paul was not a Christian at this time,  He just did not believe in anything yea or nay.  He had never held a baby before this either, but he held Jacob after he died.  He was so tiny.  But God allowed Mary and I to continue to minister to the people around us.  This continued.  We continued in his strength.  It was definitely not us.

This little baby touched so many people.  After he went back to Milwaukee, Paul told my sister he did not know what we had, but he wanted it.  He went to Church and he found God in a big way.  He is now completely sold out and definitely a true man of God. (Great job God and Jacob.)  The church we were going to became so much closer as they wrapped their arms around us and we ministered to them.  The outreaches that began became huge.  My family drew closer together.  The band at the school  became so much closer as they realized how quickly things can change.  Under Authority got serious.  Two weeks after Jacob, we were ministering in a thunder storm to any one who would listen. We had become serious about seeing people saved and when the group finally had finished its run, we had ministered in 10 states, had produced 2 cd projects, and seen thousands of people come to know Jesus as their Saviour.

As you can see, a lot of things in my life changed because of Jacob.  I guess I live like this could be my last five minutes.  I try to always be up and I try to push people to greater achievements.  Why sit back and let life happen when it might not.  You are not promised tomorrow so you might as well love the day and give it all you got.  You never know who you are going to affect with what you do.  Nobody wants to be like you if you are miserable and sad all the time.  We only get one shot at this, we need to give it all we got.

Jacob did for 4 days.  And because he did that, many people are saved and many people are still being saved.  You have a great effect on every person you meet. Don’t waste that shot.

Thanks for reading and learning more about my boy. I can’t wait to meet him again and I can’t wait for you to meet him.  We are going to throw down a party and a half.  Completely clean of course.  We will be partying with the King of Kings and are we ever going to have a blast.

love yunz,

Tim

Can it be so simple?  A tear in the liver! Wow, they can fix that can’t they? The doctor says that Jacob’s liver had a tear in it and that is why he was leaking blood.  They could not sew it together because the stitches would cause a hole bigger than what was there.  They decided to use surgical tape that would eventually disappear and hopefully that would hold it together. We have taped the baby’s liver together and it seems to be holding.  Awesome. Go God! Something so simple as tape.  We should use that on everything. Jacob comes out of surgery looking like a mummy from the sternum to his waist.  He is still on the ventilator and there are still thousands of tubes everywhere, but he is steady and there are signs of a peaceful restful time for him.  Still a long way to go, but the signs are there.

After a long day at the hospital on Friday of just watching him sleep, and lots of prayer in the chapel, we finally make our way to the Ronald McDonald House.  Just trying to rest and get Mary some rest.  The journey has been long, but it is still a long way from over.  Say our prayers, pray for Jacob’s healing, and go to sleep.  Wake up and call the NICU, peaceful night and he did okay.  Decide to take a shower.  Phone rings, NICU, get here things have gone south. Rushing to hospital.  As we walk in we see that he has coded and they are reviving him.  He is so tiny that heart compressions are done with one index finger.  He is struggling and he is suffering.  They give him a shot to make his heart beat again.  He responds, but not for long. He is not going to make it!! The doctor says he is shutting down.  They can keep reviving him but it is not going to help.  He is dying. NOOOOOOOOOO! We are supposed to play ball, we are going to play with his puppy Laddie that Aunt Robin got him!  He is going to be a drummer because that’s what Daddy does. He is going home to be healed! He is going back to the Father, mission accomplished. No God! He is mine.  We have waited for him.  He is our little boy.  RAGE, ANGER.  God you are not fair. This sucks.  This is horrible.  This is for people who don’t listen to you, who don’t care.  Why do you take care of the slut’s children who has ten kids and doesn’t care about them and you are taking ours?  Why why Why?

“Would you like for us to continue to revive him?” Yes, No, Maybe, I don’t know.  Finally no.  He is so little and so bruised and he is not going to make it.  They cannot do surgery again.  There is just nothing to be done.  Jacob is going home after just a few days on earth.  This is awful. This is the hardest thing to ever have to say, or to face. Just let him die.  Are you kidding?  C’mon God.  Your turn.  Fix this.

“Do you want to hold him?” the nurse asks. No, I say.  Yes, my 21 year old wife says.  You can’t hurt him the nurse says. Mary holds him, everyone kind of holds him and everyone is crying. I don’t want to hold him.  If I don’t hold him he won’t go away.  He will stay here with me. But his vital signs start to go. He is going home.  I have to hold that boy and kiss him and love him. I have waited for you and now you are leaving.  I love you so much. Why God?  Why my son?  Why not someone else’s child? the only answer is a very quiet, “Why not you?” And then he was gone. No more breaths, no more heartbeats, no more movement, no more son. Goodbye Jacob Tyler McCoy.  I love you! God this isn’t the way it is supposed to be.  My heart is totally broken into a billion pieces and the look on Mary’s face is one of utter shock and dismay.

Love yunz and I am done for now,

Tim

Mary in one room, baby in NICU.  What the heck is a NICU? Neo Natal intensive care unit.  Very intensive care. Very little sleep and you wash your hands, put on a new gown every visit and pray a lot.  Evening of the first day and the baby is struggling to breath.  Mary is in much pain and she is not allowed up to even see the boy.  He is turning gray and they keep giving him more blood. Tuesday becomes Wednesday.  I am selfish and very unlike Christ and don’t allow everyone to come into the room to see the boy.  I shut people down and should not have.  Stupid on purpose as they say.  Baby very sick, need to send to Charleston.  Bigger hospital, more specialized.  Thursday morning, he goes flying in helicopter, I go flying with my mom driving.  Mary stays behind, they won’t let her come.  I have to make decisions by myself.  We beat the helicopter.  How do you beat a helicopter?  Where is he?  Get him here! Help is here!

“There he is!” my mom cries out! He looks awful.  I can still see his little body strapped to a bed, arms straight out with tape around them on a little board to keep the needles in his wrists.  Mask taped to his head keeping oxygen in his face.  Legs crossed at the ankle.  And the BLOOD!  Everywhere there is a hole, this baby is bleeding.  Nose, ears, eyes, mouth, butt . . . .  He is swollen, badly bruised. 15 people around him and his eyes wide open with the most horrified look I have ever seen.  I want to scream and reach down and hold him, but I can’t.  Then a nurse jabs him in his side with a needle and blood pours out of him.  God NOOOOOOOO!  He is just a baby.  He is my son.  Why?!  My mom is crying, the nurse who brought him from Beckley is crying.  I am being strong, but inside I am just dying.  Screaming would only make it feel better for a second.  I have to be strong, I have to make decisions, I have to get my boy taken care of. 

At that moment I got saved for real.  I saw what God saw 2000 years before. I saw my boy at the CROSS roads of his life.  I would have done anything at the moment to save him.  I would have killed you or a hundred others, given my own life, worked a thousand jobs or whatever it took.  My boy was dying before my eyes and I could do nothing.  I was helpless. And all the while Christ stayed in front of me.  I saw that cross and I understood finally after years and years of wondering why He did not heal Himself and get off that cross.  Because He and His Dad cooked up this scheme that would save us all; His own death.  His sacrifice for all of us.  I knew then my life was totally going to be different.

As I looked at that little body and waited for him to make a sound, he never did.  The tubes prevented any kind of sound.  I never heard him cry.  But I did see the most amazing thing.  Simple as it was, as I cried, Jacob shed a tear as not only had he saved his mom’s life physically, but he just made his Dad’s life have true meaning.  2 Days old and already seeing people saved.  What a boy?  What a God?  What a Saviour?  I am learning so much the hard way.

Exploratory Surgery comes.  Find the Chapel and read the writings of others who have come and gone.  Write about Jacob.  Mary comes, still very fragile, baby fragile, and the waiting begins!

Need a break. 

Love yunz

Tim

Many a man has heard that cry in the middle of the night with a pregnant wife, but no one wants to hear it at 2:30 am and your wife is only 26 weeks along.  It is too early, maybe a false alarm, what is up, get in the car, drive 4 miles like a maniac, get to the hospital, check in, get a bed and then the fun begins. Not any fun now mind you. This child was coming. No waiting. Mary is tilted upside down as they hoped to use gravity to keep the little one in. Steroid shots for the lungs.  Then the contractions, hard and painful.  One dose of medicine to stop the contractions. We need three days to help the lungs. More contractions. That’s not supposed to happen. Ready for power shot to stop contractions, but it could cause problems for Mary, even death.  Just as they are ready to put the needle into the IV and stop those contractions a big push comes from the inside and the water breaks. Did the baby just save his own mother’s life. Did he just give his life for hers?  All heck breaks loose as baby is on its way. Kiss wife goodbye, crying, all hope just about blown up. Will either of them come out of that room alive? Whisked away by a green and blue army of masked helpers. Standing beside an empty spot sobbing.  It is not supposed to be this way. Why God? Don’t take my wife! Don’t take my firstborn! What are you doing?  The baby is going to be so small. I don’t get it! Why are you letting this happen?

Minutes/hours/days/seconds later (it is all such a blur), 2 nurses rush by with a real tiny bundle with a big bag on its face and some very small fingers and toes sticking out of a blanket.  It’s a boy! (And all a long I thought you would be a girl)  Wow, I have a boy!  Jacob Tyler, the only two boy names we liked and we used them all at once! How was Mary?  Doing fine, Baby struggling but alive.  Prepare for many months of stuff, if we get that far.  Okay God what is up?  He is so tiny and you have never seen so many tubes, wires and gadgets in your entire life.  One arm is roughly the length of my index finger.  He is so bruised.  Poor baby.  I am so sorry.  God what did I do?  He doesn’t deserve this!  He is just a baby!  Heal him!  You promised! Heal him. I don’t understand! Thus began a 4 day journey and that is about all for today!

Love yunz,

Tim

I thought I would wait until there was something to blog about before posting.  So on the way home from Tamara’s check up today I started thinking about my children.  Most of you know Rachel and Tamara but many do not know Jacob.  Jacob is our heavenly child.  He was born in September of 1995, and what got me thinking was the fact that my boy is going to be a teenager this September.  Granted, I won’t see him do it, but it really got me thinking about what that would have held for me.  Am I old enough to be the father of a teenager?  Now most of you are laughing about now, but seriously the boy will be 13! And then I get to thinking about what I have done with my life (this is the part where you think of mid life crisis.) Although I plan on living until I am a 137 ( so I am no where near mid life) so I can see the next century.  Have I always done what God has wanted me to do?  Have I been all out, all the time or do I take breaks? Am I easily frustrated with people who twiddle their thumbs with progress and say it ain’t time yet when they know it is time and they just don’t want to do it? And I wonder if I can live up to the standard that was set not only by our Saviour, but by a little boy who lived but four days on this earth and yet he changed a family, a church, a school an entire town and maybe even the lives of a lot of people that we will never meet til heaven.  And most of all, his life changed me.  From just a church goer with a belief in God, to a Jesus Freak who values the days given him.  Who loves people just because that is what Jesus does.  I love to help people.  I have a hard time telling people no because I just think that is rude.  I think if someone asks you, they probably have no where else to turn and so you should probably jump in and get it done.  I truly believe that is what God expects from us.  They will know we are Christians by our love!  Yes, I am a Christian, a Jesus Freak, Spirit-filled, God loving, somewhat musically talented, and an idiot (as Pastor B likes to say) who also loves to have a good time and just likes to be around people and have a good time.  And I owe all that to my 13 1/2 inch, 1 pound 15 ounce little boy named Jacob Tyler who will soon become a teenager. So in a few days, I will publish Jacob’s story for all the world to hear.

love yuns

Tim