So, here we are

Mary in one room, baby in NICU.  What the heck is a NICU? Neo Natal intensive care unit.  Very intensive care. Very little sleep and you wash your hands, put on a new gown every visit and pray a lot.  Evening of the first day and the baby is struggling to breath.  Mary is in much pain and she is not allowed up to even see the boy.  He is turning gray and they keep giving him more blood. Tuesday becomes Wednesday.  I am selfish and very unlike Christ and don’t allow everyone to come into the room to see the boy.  I shut people down and should not have.  Stupid on purpose as they say.  Baby very sick, need to send to Charleston.  Bigger hospital, more specialized.  Thursday morning, he goes flying in helicopter, I go flying with my mom driving.  Mary stays behind, they won’t let her come.  I have to make decisions by myself.  We beat the helicopter.  How do you beat a helicopter?  Where is he?  Get him here! Help is here!

“There he is!” my mom cries out! He looks awful.  I can still see his little body strapped to a bed, arms straight out with tape around them on a little board to keep the needles in his wrists.  Mask taped to his head keeping oxygen in his face.  Legs crossed at the ankle.  And the BLOOD!  Everywhere there is a hole, this baby is bleeding.  Nose, ears, eyes, mouth, butt . . . .  He is swollen, badly bruised. 15 people around him and his eyes wide open with the most horrified look I have ever seen.  I want to scream and reach down and hold him, but I can’t.  Then a nurse jabs him in his side with a needle and blood pours out of him.  God NOOOOOOOO!  He is just a baby.  He is my son.  Why?!  My mom is crying, the nurse who brought him from Beckley is crying.  I am being strong, but inside I am just dying.  Screaming would only make it feel better for a second.  I have to be strong, I have to make decisions, I have to get my boy taken care of.

At that moment I got saved for real.  I saw what God saw 2000 years before. I saw my boy at the CROSS roads of his life.  I would have done anything at the moment to save him.  I would have killed you or a hundred others, given my own life, worked a thousand jobs or whatever it took.  My boy was dying before my eyes and I could do nothing.  I was helpless. And all the while Christ stayed in front of me.  I saw that cross and I understood finally after years and years of wondering why He did not heal Himself and get off that cross.  Because He and His Dad cooked up this scheme that would save us all; His own death.  His sacrifice for all of us.  I knew then my life was totally going to be different.

As I looked at that little body and waited for him to make a sound, he never did.  The tubes prevented any kind of sound.  I never heard him cry.  But I did see the most amazing thing.  Simple as it was, as I cried, Jacob shed a tear as not only had he saved his mom’s life physically, but he just made his Dad’s life have true meaning.  2 Days old and already seeing people saved.  What a boy?  What a God?  What a Saviour?  I am learning so much the hard way.

Exploratory Surgery comes.  Find the Chapel and read the writings of others who have come and gone.  Write about Jacob.  Mary comes, still very fragile, baby fragile, and the waiting begins!

Need a break.

Love yunz

Tim

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3 Responses to “So, here we are”

  1. Wow! What a story. You’ve made me cry 2 days in a row. I guess it has made me realize how we can know people yet not really know them at all. You guys are amazing and now I understand so much more. Love you guys.

  2. i was so choked up reading your blog. What a journey. I am gald that you are bogging about your time with your son. There is alot of healing that will come from that. Isint it wonderful that God says he will bottle our tears and make them into a beautiful perfume? keep on blogging. YOU never know whose life you might touch by being so real.

  3. Thank you for sharing this painful, yet glorious story of Jacob. I am moved by the correlation of you watching your son bleed from his tiny body to God watching His son bleed on Calvary. Jacob had a purpose and a destiny in his short life.
    Now I have to wipe the tears from my keyboard before I get electrocuted.
    I love my McCoys.

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